anon27 (anon27) wrote in xhelpxwantedx,

***warning - may trigger sexual assault victims. i am unsure of how to cut. sorry.

i just created this anonymous account to ask a question.

i am a female in my mid 20's. me and my bf were drunk. we were having sex and he could not orgasm, although i did. we gave up and i told him if he wanted to wake me up to have sex, he was welcome to try. later i was awoken when he put himself in me, without waking me up to ask first. i told him to stop, and he did not. i told him to stop again and he did not. he went on a rant about how i owed him this, while still having sex with me. i asked him to stop after he was done yelling at me and he did, grudgingly, and fell asleep. i have no idea how long he was fucking me. maybe five minutes. maybe ten. maybe less or more. i don't know. i was out of it and still a bit intoxicated.

he has never done anything like this before. he knows i was sexually abused as a kid and is usually incredibly sensitive to it. i sometimes have extreme panic attacks during non-weird sex. i sometimes over-react to things. i scare easily. he knows this and he is generally a nice guy. this incident was shocking to me because we have been dating a year and i have not seen this type of behaviour.

i am not sure exactly what i am asking. i have told my bf that right now, i am willing to be friends, but not to have sex with him. he feels obvious regret for what he did and we have talked about it to the ground. he says he doesn't know why he did it, and he barely remembers it because he was drunk. i have told him that i think we need some sort of counseling before we attempt to resume a relationship. he agrees. would what he did be considered rape? i am really confused. all i know is that now i feel absent of any emotion for him. i used to really love him, wanted to spend my life with him. now i just don't care. i am not even angry. just empty.

i guess i am just asking for advice or opinions. thanks for your time.

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